Here we go! This edition of the Research Spotlight is looking at another very interesting study that came across my desk here at Wilder Intimacy HQ. Check out the original full paper here: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886925000704
Romantic love. It’s the stuff of poetry, music, and more movies than we can count. It’s supposed to be universal, right? That heart-racing, butterflies-in-the-stomach, all-consuming experience that makes us want to write bad love songs or whisper sweet nothings under the covers. But here’s the thing—love isn’t actually a one-size-fits-all experience.
A new study on young adults in romantic relationships shows that people experience love in wildly different ways. Researchers identified four distinct "love styles," each with its own intensity, level of commitment, and even sexual frequency. Understanding which category you and your partner fall into could be the key to unlocking deeper intimacy, better communication, and a relationship that truly fits you.
The Four Love Styles: Which One Are You?
Researchers examined 809 young adults and found that they naturally clustered into four different expressions of love. These groups were based on love intensity, obsessive thinking, commitment, and how often they had sex with their partner. The results might surprise you.
1. Mild Romantic Lovers (20% of participants)
- Love is present, but it’s not overwhelming.
- They think about their partner the least.
- Commitment is low to moderate.
- Sexual frequency is the lowest of all groups.
If you or your partner fall into this category, it doesn’t mean your love is lacking—it just means it’s steady and balanced rather than fiery and all-consuming. You might prioritize independence, have a deep companionship-based connection, or simply experience romance in a more low-key way.
2. Moderate Romantic Lovers (41%—the largest group!)
- Love is present but not obsessive.
- Commitment is solid and reliable.
- Sexual frequency is moderate.
These relationships are likely stable, affectionate, and fulfilling without the extreme highs and lows of passionate infatuation. If this is you, you probably experience deep emotional intimacy but don’t lose yourself completely in the relationship. This is the middle ground that many long-term couples settle into naturally.
3. Libidinous Romantic Lovers (10%)
- High intensity of love.
- Obsessive thinking about their partner.
- Strong commitment.
- The highest sexual frequency.
This category represents the passionate, sex-driven love that often defines the honeymoon phase—or simply the chemistry-heavy relationships that thrive on intensity. If you and your partner fit this mold, sex is likely a central part of your connection, and your relationship may feel like a beautiful whirlwind of desire and devotion.
4. Intense Romantic Lovers (29%)
- The deepest love intensity.
- The most obsessive thinking.
- The highest commitment levels.
- Frequent but not excessive sex.
These are the people who feel completely consumed by love. Their partner is at the center of their world, their emotions run deep, and their commitment is unwavering. If this is you, you might experience the richest form of connection, but it’s also important to maintain your own sense of self in the relationship.
What This Means for You and Your Partner
One of the biggest takeaways from this research? Love isn’t just one thing. If you and your partner don’t experience love in the exact same way, it doesn’t mean something is wrong. It just means you may have different styles—and that’s okay.
- If one of you is an “Intense Lover” and the other is “Mild,” conflicts might arise over emotional needs. A deep talk about expectations and emotional connection could work wonders.
- If you and your partner fall into the “Moderate” category, you might feel stable but occasionally miss the passion. Maybe it’s time to shake things up with a new adventure or erotic exploration.
- If you're a “Libidinous Lover” but your partner isn't, differences in sexual needs could create friction. Honest conversations about intimacy—without judgment—can help navigate those gaps.
How to Make This Knowledge Work for Your Relationship
Instead of trying to squeeze your love into a pre-defined mold, embrace your unique love style and use it as a guide to enhance your connection.
- Identify Your Love Style – Do you see yourself and your partner in one of these categories? Or maybe you fluctuate between two?
- Talk About It – Share your thoughts with your partner. How do you each feel about the way you express love?
- Find Your Balance – If you have different love styles, compromise is key. Maybe you need more space, or maybe your partner needs more verbal affirmation of love.
- Keep Growing Together – Love changes over time. What’s true now might evolve in a few years—and that’s a beautiful thing.
The Bottom Line
Love isn’t one emotion, one formula, or one experience. It’s fluid, it’s diverse, and it’s deeply personal. Understanding your love style—and your partner’s—can help you stop comparing, start appreciating, and build a relationship that feels right for both of you.
By recognizing how you and your partner naturally express love, you can foster a deeper sense of connection and mutual respect. Instead of expecting love to look a certain way, you can embrace the unique dynamics of your relationship and use them as a foundation for emotional and physical closeness. Love isn’t about conforming to a universal script—it’s about co-creating a relationship that meets both of your needs in a way that feels fulfilling and authentic.
When you truly understand your love style, you gain the ability to communicate your desires more clearly, navigate differences with greater ease, and cultivate passion that grows over time. Whether you thrive on intensity, crave stability, or prioritize deep emotional intimacy, knowing your patterns allows you to create a love that is both sustainable and deeply satisfying. Relationships aren’t static; they evolve as we do. By nurturing your connection with intention and curiosity, you can ensure that your love continues to flourish in ways that feel natural and meaningful for both of you.
Ready to Go Deeper? Work with Kristin
Understanding your love style is just the beginning. If you and your partner want to explore deeper intimacy, better communication, and a wider variety of erotic pleasures, Kristin can guide you through it.
As an expert in The Erotic Blueprints, Kristin helps couples uncover their unique pathways to pleasure and connection. Whether you're looking to enhance intimacy, navigate mismatched desires, or reignite passion, coaching with Kristin gives you the tools, language, and confidence to explore what truly lights you up.
Book a session today and start building the relationship that’s perfect for you.
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