Have you ever felt like something was missing in your sex life, like you were trying to follow a script that just didn't feel quite right? Like maybe, just maybe, there was a whole other language of pleasure you hadn't yet discovered? You're not alone. So many of us have been conditioned to believe there's only one "right" or “normal” way to experience desire, arousal, and pleasure. But what if I told you that your unique path to sexual fulfillment is as individual as your fingerprint? Enter the world of Erotic Blueprints™, a revolutionary concept developed by one of my mentors, the renowned somatic sexologist Jaiya. Imagine a framework that not only celebrates the beautiful diversity of human sexuality, but actually empowers you to understand and embrace your own unique erotic language. This is IT!
Unveiling the Five Erotic Blueprints by Jaiya™
Through years of research, world-renowned somatic sexologist Jaiya discovered that we each possess a distinct "erotic blueprint" that shapes our arousal patterns and preferences. Think of it as your personal "turn-on and arousal language," a key to unlocking deeper intimacy and pleasure. There are five primary Blueprints:
- Energetic: Are you incredibly intuitive, turned on by the subtle dance of energy between you and your partner? Do you find yourself aroused by prolonged eye contact, the anticipation of a touch, the ‘almost but not yet’ moment of pause before a kiss, or the feeling of your breath syncing with theirs? Do you feel overwhelmed, too sensitive, or that other people often move more quickly or directly than you’re ready for? This may point to you being an Energetic lover.
- Sensual: Do you revel in the slow, luxurious build-up of pleasure? Is your arousal heightened by soft lighting, the scent of essential oils, the feel of silk against your skin, or enhanced by amazing music? If you identify with these things, and find yourself quickly quenched by mess, noise, and distraction with a fast ‘off’ button, you may be a Sensual lover: savoring every moment, indulging all five senses in ecstasy.
- Sexual: If you find yourself easily aroused by nudity, direct genital stimulation, crave frequent sexual encounters, and love exploring a variety of positions and toys, and sometimes wondering about the seeming contradiction or complication your Lovers experience, you might be a Sexual blueprint. This blueprint is all about that fiery, passionate expression of desire, and straightforward fulfillment and pleasure.
- Kinky: Does the thrill of exploring power dynamics, pushing boundaries, and venturing into the taboo ignite your passion and sense of playfulness? Do you enjoy finding and playing with the edges, Kinky lovers find immense pleasure in role-play, BDSM, lead/follow, and other ‘nonconventional’ expressions of sexuality. The Kinky blueprint is inspired and nourished by getting out of the box and embracing ALL parts of yourself.
- Shapeshifter: Ever feel like you're a mix of all of the above, that you are quickly bored or never satisfied? Shapeshifters are the chameleons of the erotic world, embracing variety and adapting their desires to the moment and often matching and mirroring their partner’s Blueprint - feeling happy there but also hungry/starving in their other Blueprints and feeling unfilled, even with frequent sex. They delight in exploring all facets of pleasure, and have the most drive for variety and varying intensity.
How I Found the Erotic Blueprints™
I came to the Erotic Blueprints through researching how to understand and articulate my own personal erotic expansion and healing through pleasure.
A little history: I was raised in a secret fundamentalist Christian cult (google the 2x2 religion and find all the latest details about the FBI ongoing RICO investigation into this underground church) that is totally invisible to the outside world. Women’s value was placed on purity and submission. I couldn’t cut my hair, wear makeup or jewelry, and wore ankle-length skirts, grew up without a TV, etc. My expected role in life was wife and mother, and sex was an expected job requirement of a dutiful wife. Sexual assault of children is routine in that environment, and I was not an exception in that regard. My first memory of God at age 4 was hiding under a blanket after one of those experiences, because I was told by my abuser that I wasn’t clean anymore, and that it was my fault.
In spite of this, I had the great gift of growing up in a home with two parents who absolutely ADORED each other - and had a positive view of sex (within marriage, of course!). I remember walking into the kitchen and seeing them making out passionately, and often heard laughter coming from their bedroom when the door was locked. They held hands and flirted with each other. So while my sexuality was repressed and feared as a girl (purity culture requiring virginity until marriage and one partner for life), and I was abused by people in places of power in the church, I benefited from being raised by affectionate, loving, and celebratory parents who thoroughly desired and enjoyed each other.
I got engaged at age 24, within 6 weeks of meeting my future husband, and our entire 15-year marriage was solely in his Sexual blueprint. Neither of us dreamed that anything else existed; all we knew was the television and movie watching we did in secret. I spent most of my first marriage feeling numb, lonely, and unfulfilled. Sex was boring and routine, and turned into a chore that left me feeling empty rather than fulfilled. I left the church when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. It’s difficult to share how massive this was: everyone thought I was going to hell for leaving the ‘one true way,’ and I lost my entire structure and way of life, and all of my friends. We stayed married another 9 years, while he actively resented me for leaving the church, and sex became a job we both avoided as much as possible. Most of the time I simply disassociated.
I left him 9 years ago (WOW) - that took some massive courage, since they do not allow divorce and remarriage for any circumstances whatsoever. I didn’t date for 18 months after my divorce, and as a naive and sheltered woman who had only experienced courtship for the purpose of marriage, then was sexually assaulted by the first man I dated. For the first time in my life, I reported the abuse. I spent hours on the RAINN network crisis line, and tried counseling. I went through a dark season, but was determined to heal.
And then... the fun began! I was introduced to the psychological and physical aspects of the Kinky blueprint by the next man I dated. He pulled my hair at the nape of my neck and then paused for a long moment, just an inch from my lips… letting the tension build before he kissed me for the first time with a gentle kiss and a nip of my upper lip. MY WORLD REARRANGED in that moment, like a complete computer RESET button: all of me came alive and completely rewired on what felt like a cellular level. Suddenly I could FEEL - everything!!!!
I dove deep into researching the psychological aspects of kink and BDSM: submission, domination, surrender, and consent. I was astounded to learn that my Yes and my NO belonged to me; that my body was sovereign territory and I had the power to *stop* unwanted touch and also to ask for what I desired. I read as many books as I could get my hands on, and healed more and more as we explored the safety of me letting go completely, not having to be on high alert or be worried he wouldn’t stop, etc. (at that point I still viewed sex outside of marriage as a sin, so we played ‘everything but’ penetrative sex... a hysterical dichotomy, looking back). I allowed myself to open to pleasure and surrender, and slowly the the ‘high alert’ status that had kept me in fight/flight/freeze/please for decades began to calm.
I hired professional mentors in bondage, experienced impact play from expert local kinksters, and explored submission, dominance, and the free-fall of trust with psychological kink with romantic partners. The polarity of my soft, warm, femininity with a partner’s dark energetic TURNS ME ON SO MUCH. I discovered subspace, the peace of deep relaxation with bondage, the bliss of instant obedience and clarity of mind and easing of anxiety that comes with it… and then the surprise fun of being a Very Sweet Switch and locking a man in chastity just for my pleasure that completely left him gushing with gratitude, discovering a generous and regal Domme who enjoys adoration and absolutely will not abide disrespect and realizing I can be all of these and none of these without contradicting myself, FULLY owning my yes and my no, and orgasms of every sort - so much pleasure, ecstasy, joy, variety, and nuance than I ever dreamed was possible.
One summer I discovered my Energetic blueprint accidentally when my partner was lightly stroking my collarbone with his fingertips. I had 8 orgasms while standing up in my kitchen, fully clothed, shuddering, quivering, shaking and quaking in the afterglow. That discovery led to exploring hypnotic suggestion, code words, and image imprinting for arousal and orgasm, and public play where he stroked the inside of my arm at restaurants and parties or dropped a code word in a group, and I had to try to not let people see me be totally psychologically hijacked in public… so much fun!!!
As a 5/1 Emotional Generator in Human Design, it’s crucial for me to DEEPLY UNDERSTAND what makes things tick, and have powerful mastery and knowledge to feel confident and grounded. I was trying to understand how it was possible for me to orgasm without my genitals being touched, and what it was about kink that just made things SO FREAKING HOTTTT… and one night in the bath, I stumbled upon this podcast from Jaiya and Ian speaking with a Tony Robbins coach. They had language and vocabulary for the mysterious magic that was happening to me, and I knew I HAD to know more. I was already on staff with a life coaching company and mentoring other life coaches in training, and had an established client base… but I spent a lot of money and committed to the training to become a certified Erotic Blueprints Coach. I wanted to know it all, understand it all for myself, and help others experience the freedom and pleasure I was discovering.
I spent a long time in a deliberate state of Resting from dating and sex while going through the certification program, and at several points after. As a Shapeshifter (high Kinky & Energetic) who had spent most of my life adjusting to my partner’s needs and Blueprints, it felt spiritually and energetically important to take conscious time to honor and get to know myself more fully. I learned to ‘feed’ my own Blueprints through conscious self-pleasure and nourishment: I bought an amethyst bio-mat, yoni eggs, a glorious curved Chakrub dildo, a feather fan, a delicious paintbrush, and tons of kinky toys and tools, began dancing West Coast Swing and Tango. I continue to find *all sorts of fun ways* to expand and nourish myself erotically.
I finally found my ‘Warrior Sage Love,’ a few years ago: with ‘the spine and inner strength of a warrior, and the heart and mind of a seeker and teacher’ who can meet me in all of my Shapeshifter glory, drop deep into inquiry and presence, and expand into Transcendence with me, while still wanting to fuck me senseless, tease me until I beg, and pull my hair just right. Our journey together has been one of curiosity, tenderness, expansion and contraction and expansion again, and we continue to grow and evolve together as lifetime lovers. We discovered where our Blueprints overlap and play well together, and spaces where each of are continuing to expand and grow and evolve together as lifetime lovers. We discovered where our Blueprints overlap and play well together, and spaces where each of us are continuing to expand and grow to meet each other. Our unique and original body of work, Devotional Kink ™, the spiritual art of Dominance & submission, is the overlap and fruition of our psychological sensual kinky dynamic (see 1:1 offerings under Intimacy Coaching to learn more about Devotional Kink™).
Embark on Your OWN Journey of Self-Discovery!
Discovering your Erotic Blueprint is a profound journey of self-exploration. It's about delving into your deepest desires, fantasies, and past experiences to uncover the patterns and preferences that truly ignite your passion.
Ask yourself:
- What types of touch, sensations, and scenarios make my heart race and my body come alive?
- What kind of atmosphere sets the stage for my most intense arousal?
- What are my secret fantasies, and how do they align with these different blueprints?
- What have I loved (and not so much loved) in my past sexual experiences?
- What am I craving right now?
While you might see yourself in elements of several blueprints, one will usually resonate most strongly as your primary type. To help you on this journey to understanding the Blueprints, I've created a detailed guide right here on my website.
Unlock a World of Deeper Intimacy and Pleasure
Understanding your Erotic Blueprint is like finding the missing piece of the puzzle: the owner/operator's manual to your biggest turn-ons and the answer to your turn-offs. It can:
- Empower you to communicate your needs with confidence and clarity. Imagine being able to articulate your desires and boundaries to your partner, creating a space of true intimacy and shared pleasure.
- Elevate your sexual experiences to new heights. By understanding your unique turn-ons, you can curate experiences that truly set your soul on fire.
- Deepen the connection with your partner. Knowing their blueprint allows you to appreciate their preferences, navigate differences, and create a symphony of pleasure that resonates with both of you.
- Overcome challenges and embrace your full sexual potential. By understanding the potential pitfalls of your blueprint, you can proactively address them and embark on a path of greater sexual fulfillment.
Ready to Dive Deeper?
I've created a wealth of resources to guide you on your Erotic Blueprint journey, all available right here on my website:
- Explore my in-depth blog posts on each Blueprint: (stay tuned here for future deep-dives into each Blueprint, coming soon!)
- Follow me on Spotify to binge-listen to my podcast interviews and enjoy my custom Erotic Blueprint playlists
- Download my free guide to understanding the Blueprints (click on free gifts on my website)
Transform Your Sex Life with Personalized Coaching
Are you ready to truly embrace your authentic sexuality and create a life of deeper intimacy and pleasure? I'm here to guide you. My personalized coaching programs will help you integrate the wisdom of your Erotic Blueprint, overcome any obstacles, and cultivate a fulfilling and joyful sex life in a way that feels safe, accepting, gentle, and FUN!
Schedule your no-pressure discovery call today to see if we might be a good fit: https://calendly.com/wilderintimacy/clientconsult
It's time to rewrite your sexual story. Let's embark on this transformative journey together.
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